Shhh...Genius At Work

Zeke continues to deftly manage the Knicks roster. Instead of simply just releasing Marbury, who is clearly destroying that franchise from within like a cancer, he makes cosmetic adjustments.
This will fix everything. Playoffs, here we come!

Purple and Gold Caboose

CFB will be upon us before you know it. I was at the ASU/LSU game last year, the first game the Tigers had played after Katrina hit. I was in the endzone, in fact, with a sweet front row seat to see the Sun Devils blow the game...giving up six on a 4th and 10...from the 40. Damn, damn, damn.

Ok, that was last year, and the Devils have some nice JuCo talent coming on board, and arguably the best QB tandem in the nation. This pre-season poll was printed today. Sorry, UW. Someone has to really stink, and at this point it is your team.

He must love the SEC pre-game buffet

Caption this Fulmer photo. Here's mine:

"Hell no there ain't two of us under this pullover, goddammit."

DC Follies

I used to live in DC, so I am familiar with the mountain of material that emanates from the Redskin's franchise. This certainly shows they are not resting on their laurels in their effort to entertain NFL Nation, and drive their own fans crazy.

As a friend of mine suggested: "How about doing a line with Dexter Manley, ramming your head into a brick wall with Gus Frerotte, and sticking someone up with Sean Taylor? That would round out the Redskins Experience, don't you think?"

Big Money, Bigger Babies

One thing that has always bothered me about today's professional athlete is not how much money they make, but how they want you to believe everything is relative. For instance, if you do not get the $50/week raise you were hoping for, it can be a real downer. The avg NBA player then wants you to believe that is it is a big deal when he and his agent are $200,000 apart on a deal that averages $6 million per year. The discrepancy can mean a nicer apartment for Joe Average, but the difference between $5.8 mil and $6 is hardly going to affect the NBA player's lifestyle. I am not saying that pro athletes do not work hard for what they get. It is a competitive minefield for them to even reach the heights of high school athletics. But it is the rare athlete that opens up and says "You know, I am one lucky sonofabitch. I play a game for a living, and make enough money to put me in the top 1% of wage earners in the world. Thankfully I was blessed with size/quickness/strength/hand-eye coordination, because without those physical skills, all the self-determination in the world wasn't going to be enough to get me to this level."
It reminds me of Latrell Spreewell's comments a couple of years back when he was coming off a deal that paid him $14 mil/season. "I've got a family to feed". It is more tragic than funny, if you ask me.

Big Changes

Can any of you explain why Harold Reynolds is no longer working for ESPN? They have not given any reasons for his dismissal, but it is clear that he was fired. I can't wait for the details, it should be interesting.

Update: Harold Reynolds, one of ESPN’s most visible analysts and a long-time panelist on “Baseball Tonight,” has left the network in the wake of one or more incidents of sexual harassment.

An ESPN spokeswoman Tuesday confirmed Reynolds’ departure but repeatedly declined to provide a reason for it. Three people who work at ESPN and were familiar with the case said the cause was a pattern of sexual harassment, apparently culminating in a recent incident involving one of the network’s young production assistants.

I'm Speechless

New Mr. T-inspired Equine Training Method:

No sugar cube, no carrot. Only pain.

So Satisfying

Most of you should remember Byung Hyun-Kim, the Korean pitcher that played for Arizona during their run to the World Series in 2001. AZ won that series against the Yankee$, even though Kim blew 2 games in a row at Yankee Stadium....games that AZ should have won. If you ask any DBacks fan how he feels about the "BK Broiler", you will get a face that resembles bad heartburn.

He returned to Chase Field (aka Bank One Ballpark) as a starting pitcher for the first time today. His first pitch of the game was to Jeff DeVanon, journeyman outfielder. It was promptly deposited in the right field bleachers. I guess there is a God, or a higher power, or something up there...because that was sweet.

Chuckles Strikes Again

Charles Barkley in the Memphis Commercial Appeal on Stromile Swift: “Man, that boy can run and jump. So can a deer. But I’d never put a deer in a game.”

Message Boards

I have spent some time at a Suns message board over the last 2 years, and its a great place to catch up on a bunch of news articles about the team in a short period of time. However, I have now discovered the dark side of message boards. I got into a back n' forth with some longtime poster, and it got a little contentious. I included an insult about the poetry he displays at his website (linked to his user profile) and I really had not even read much of it. It could be the stuff of greatness for all I know. But my taunt clearly got under this dude's skin....because his next post said "You know the best part about this? I don't know if the company listed in your profile is your own or not, but I have been e-mailing your boss." So, in essence, this guy found the link to my European business partner's website in MY user profile, and suggested that he was sending e-mails to probably "Contact Us" or something like that....I cannot imagine the content, but it cannot be good. I am not sure if he actually did this or was just making idle threats. But either way the whole episode became something like The Net with Sandra Bullock. So, I am not going to be engaging any more message board denizens in debate any time soon - I have seen how easily it can get out of hand. There is no real barrier to entry in these communities of interest, and I should have kept that in mind before I attempted to humiliate a complete stranger. He is probably like of one those burlap sack-wearing revolutionaries from The Matrix : computationally advanced, and on a mission. A mission to destroy me because I insulted his poetry.

Roenick

I see where Jeremy Roenick, new (old) member of the Coyotes, is blaming his poor 05-06 effort with the Kings on....are you ready......no way.....really?.....blunt skates.

In comments to CBSsportsline, JR said "I couldn't skate on the skates I was using. Every time I tried to turn, I ended up on my face. It affected my confidence and decision-making, because you can't play a game like the NHL at such a high level and question whether you're going to stand up or not. It was enough to almost make me retire."

I lived with this guy and Keith "I get paid alot but don't ask for the 2nd round or nothin" Tkachuk on my team for a few years, and now 1/2 of this shit sandwich tandem is back. I ask you: is Roenick a tough-as-nails veteran you want on the club, or is he a wayyy-past-his-prime loudmouth that should stop blaming his equipment? I suggest the latter.

NFC Least

I want predictions for next season's NFC Eastern Division, with your rankings and a comment for each team. Mine:

1. G-Men
Everyone and their sister seems to be on Tiki's jock right now. Eli is going to be better. Solid defense.

2. Cowgirls
Marcus Spears is the real deal. If Julius Jones is healthy and TO gives some effort, they could take the division.

3. Kornheisers
I hate the Redskins. But they will not be in the basement.

4. Cheesesteaks
29 sacks last year. Brodrick Bunkley sounds like a fake player's name you would find on a football video game with no pro license. Worst Place!

Zidane, Danica, and Futbol in the USA

I think the extra exposure in the US media made Zidane's loss of control and subsequent Dolph Lundgren-like attack on Materazzi a boon for FIFA in terms of publicity in the US market....and anyone that says otherwise look like IRL drivers that think Danica is bad for the sport

Inside the Numbers

Found this entertaining Q&A from a chat with ESPN's The Sports Guy. "Hollinger" is John Hollinger, a statistician-type that crunches #s for ESPN.com looking for trends. Personally, I would have a high % of inebriated iTunes purchases:

Q: Me and a few of my friends were watching "Fear Factor" and two girls who were well-endowed in the chest area. By the way, ladies you're only lying to yourselves if you say you don't size up other girls' chests, so don't act offended by this. So anyway, we had a bit of a debate over whose were better. One girl had bigger ones, but she was slightly heavier and hers were a little less perky. I was in the camp that preferred the smaller ones because of the perkiness and the flatter stomach of the girl. I was wondering if you could talk Hollinger into making a RER (rack efficiency rating) which would take into account size, perkiness, her height, etc., so any debate could easily be decided.
--Pat, Fall River, Mass.

SG: I'm going to devote the remainder of my summer to convincing John Hollinger to do this. By the way, Hollinger needs to expand his horizons because the whole efficiency rating gimmick could work for just about every aspect of life: Amount of alcohol somebody drank over the course of a night; number of quality hookups; money spent on a woman versus the actual "return" on the investment; percentage of drunken eBay, Amazon and iTunes purchases versus sober ones; quality of sex scenes during a Skinemax movie; ability of someone to continually get friends to buy them drinks over a prolonged period of time by using a variety of excuses like, "I forgot to hit an ATM. Can you cover me?" It's an endless list. And the various Vegas or wedding scenarios alone could give Hollinger a second career. I hope he branches out. You can only come up with so many ways to tout Chris Paul's virtues before you get bored.

Welcome...

I have another blog, but I felt it was necessary to start this one. I am a huge sports fan, and have too many friends that are rabid sports fans. So, please enjoy Shut Your Yap. My goal for this blog is to provide an arena for quality sports smack. I will attempt to stir the pot with good topics (and some that are more foolish yet amusing) but please feel free to suggest any topics. You can send them to bhguard101-blog@yahoo.com

I challenge you all to build something here. I'd wager that hardly any of you spend any time at sports message boards - but still crave the opportunity to shut someone down when they are talking out of their ass about who is the best hitter in the NL, for instance. Please feel free to satisfy those urges here. With my network, I assure you that you will find quality opponents among the visitors....so be prepared.